Managing the Gap (Nov 2010)

Monday, March 7, 2011

Managing the Gap - Auxiliary Leadership Meeting

Sunday, November 07, 2010
2:00 PM

Sisters, it's wonderful to be with you tonight, to kick off this Leadership Meeting.

We just held our Priesthood Leadership Meeting two weeks ago. And this group of leaders is much lovelier than the last one was. And I know the refreshment and the décor in each room is going to be nicer. I appreciate being here with you tonight.

First, a thanks to you wonderful stake leaders who have prepared this evening so that each of our auxiliary leaders in our wards can be edified. We pray that everyone will be inspired and strengthened by the vision of what can be, of what should be done which will be taught and discussed tonight.

We are also so grateful to each of you sisters from the wards. For the effort you make each week to touch the lives of the children, the young women, and the women of this stake. You are a blessing in this Stake. And you are in reality, the front line of the plan of the Lord for his Children. You deal with their moods, their activity or lack of it, their challenges. And that front line can often be frustrating and confusing. Thank you. We are so grateful to you for your efforts to be consistent, and to be uplifting.


There is an unknown burden that each leader takes upon themselves which is not frequently discussed, but which is very real.

It's a burden I refer to as 'the gap'. The gap is the difference between what should be happening in our classes and organizations and presidencies - the vision, or the ideal - and what really is happening - the reality. "The gap" between these two and the desire to close this gap is the weight of the burden you carry.

○ How we deal with the gap is important in our callings. Let me illustrate with a couple of examples.

First - Primary. Primary is probably one of the easiest places to see the gap in action. We are called to teach primary, and we anticipate having these sweet, beautiful, innocent 'children of God' in our care and keeping. We want to believe that they come prepared to be taught who they are, why they are here and where they are going. But after a couple of weeks, we feel this desire, especially with the 10 year old boys class, to grab them by the collar and sit on them. Why? It's because sometimes, the gap reveals itself.

For Instance - My nephew Richie was a sweet boy, especially when he was asleep. But pretty much the rest of the time, he was very active always trying to get a laugh. Once as a 5 or 6 year old he was running down the hall in church chasing after someone making some noise, when he went running past his mom who was visiting with the EQP. As Richie went running by, the EQP reached out and grabbed him by the arm and said. "Richie. If I catch you screaming in the church one more time, I'm going to reach down your throat and rip your lungs out." He let go of Richie who then went walking away, stunned. The EQP said to Jill, Richie's Mom, with a smile on his face, "sometimes you have to get a little graphic with these kids."

Second is a story about the gap in youth programs…We love the Youth of the church. They are the youth of the noble birthright…the righteous generation who has been chosen to come forth in this dispensation to prepare the way for the 2nd Coming. But sometimes they behave in a way, that makes you wonder that if they are the ones preparing the way, if the Lord will ever be able to come.

For instance - When I was about 23 years old, I heard a story about myself as a deacon which I didn't remember, but which said volumes about the kind of young man I must have been. And the kind of patience my leaders must have had to exhibit when working with me.

The story was told to me by an older woman who had been my Sunday School teacher all those years before. She told of the time when I was about 12 or 13 years old, that she had started teaching class and was writing something on the board. When she turned around, I was sitting there quietly in my white shirt and tie… but I was wearing a hideous monster mask. It scared her so bad she started crying and had to step out of the class to regain composure.

The vision, that we are youth of the noble birthright was lost for a moment, and the reality that I had morphed into some hideous creature was terrifying staring back at her. She dealt with the gap with tears.

Third is a story about Relief Society - A few years ago on Christmas Eve day, Sister Wessman, the Relief Society President from the 2nd Ward got a phone call from her Bishop. A nonmember woman in the ward boundaries, had just lost everything she had planned for Christmas with her young children. A fire had caught hold in their apartment, and all their christmas presents, their clothes, everything had been destroyed in the fire. The Bishop asked Sister Wessman to go shopping for this family in need. In a flash, the peaceful, wonderful, Christmas eve holiday which she had planned for, was gone. A gap was created. She had planned the day, and none of her plans were possible, if she was going to do as the Bishop asked her. Well, she did it. She went shopping. She got toys, clothes, food so that the family would have a lovely Christmas morning. Her perfect holiday, was dramatically impacted by this call to serve. The gap was very real. But in this case, she responded perfectly to the gap. She gave up her own vision, to help someone else have a bearable reality.


There are lots of ways that people handle the gap. For some, like with Richie running down the hall, they deal with it by getting graphic, offended or angry. This isn't probably best.

For some like my Sunday school teacher, she dealt with the gap, with tears and walking away. That's probably also not the best way.

For others, probably most of us, they deal with the gap by ignoring the vision of what could be, should be. And they just deal with the reality of what is without any hope that we can strive to push this group or this individual to do what's right to become what they potentially could become. But ignoring the ideal, ignoring the vision, is also NOT the best way to handle the gap.

Finally, for those who are prepared spiritually, they know how to handle the gap, so that it doesn't destroy either their vision or their reality. Both can be realized together.

I recognize that one of the big challenge of coming to a Stake Leadership Meeting like this, is that the Stake teaches and reminds you of the Vision of what 'should be'. And of what these ideal children or ideal RS sisters , or ideal presidencies should be doing. And being reminded of the vision, sometimes calls into stark contrast the challenging reality we are dealing with. Too often, because of this contrast, we can come away from these meetings overwhelmed with all that we're NOT doing, and how far we are from NOT reaching the potential the Lord teaches us we should have.

May I offer a number of things we can do to help deal with the burden of leadership, and the burden of the gap.

a. First, seek to do Heavenly Father's will, and not worry so much about our own will. It's what we call humility. We seek to do His will, in HIS way. Sisters, this really is HIS work we are engaged in. It's not Sister Petersons, or President Bassetts, or even President Monson's work. It is the Saviors work. Imagine the terrible gap he has to deal with. He knows the vision of who these little children are, who these YW are, and who these women are. AND he knows the reality of who they are RIGHT NOW. They are His children. Not ours. And he knows what their potential is, and how they can attain their potential. And to that end, He has laid down his life to establish a plan to help them get there… to close the gap. He has sent forth angels in the latter days, and has called prophets to establish this work. And they have documented how this work is to be conducted…. Where? In our Leadership handbooks. To do our Father's Will, we must Follow the handbook. And follow it with a willing heart. What a wonderful blessing we have this Saturday to gather, and receive new instruction manuals. One way to deal with the gap then, is to read your new handbook when you receive it this Saturday. Read every word that applies to you and your calling. Make notes of things that inspire you. Make notes of things you should be doing, but are not currently doing. Then strive. Take steps to set goals this year to do things a little better. Then regardless of the reality challenges you may face, you can take joy that you are doing things the Lord's way, not that you are doing things your own way.

b. Second, way to deal with the gap. Learn to NOTcomplain or murmur, but serve with love and patience. Nephi, after a great vision of the Savior’s atoning sacrifice, told us: “Wherefore they scourge him, and he suffereth it; and they smite him, and he suffereth it. Yea, they spit upon him, and he suffereth it, because of his loving kindness and his long-suffering towards the children of men.” We must always attempt to correct the problems and overcome the trials which arise in our callings, but instead of asking “Why me?” or “What did I do to deserve this?” maybe the question should be “What am I to do? What can I learn from this experience? What am I to change?” Nephi told us that the Savior "suffereth it, because of his loving kindness and long-suffering towards the children of men." We too need to develop those attributes for those we serve. We need to Serve in patience and in Love. When things don't go quite the way you had hoped and prayed they might. Don't get angry like Richie's Elder's Quorum President. Don't give up on the vision of what 'should be/could be'. But instead exercise patience and love. Recognize that the Lord called US in our imperfections. And he hasn't given up on us yet. If he can be patient and love us, perhaps we can forgive others, and love them as well in their imperfections.

c. Third, we must seek for greater help from God. Even the Savior of us all found a need to pray “more earnestly” as He was in the Garden of Gethsemane. We can learn to gain great faith if we do this. We must remember that often the answers from our Heavenly Father do not remove the trial from us, but instead He helps strengthen us as we pass through the experience. As He did for the followers of Alma, the Lord can “ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs.” In our trials, let us not become bitter or uncommitted, but let us follow the Savior’s example of becoming more earnest, more sincere, and more faithful.

d. Fourth, Recognize Service as the Greatest Gift we can give. We are so blessed to be called in this latter-day to participate in this great rolling up scene in the history of the world. Outside of building our families, Service in the Kingdom is the greatest thing we can do. As we look at service, we see that Christ's service to us is his greatest work. It was the greatest thing he did. We know very little about what Christ did for himself. But the things he did for others is shouted from the heavens. In the April General Conference President Monson, stated: “I believe the Savior is telling us that unless we lose ourselves in service to others, there is little purpose to our own lives. Those who live only for themselves eventually shrivel up and figuratively lose their lives, while those who lose themselves in service to others grow and flourish—and in effect save their lives.” We should serve, whether at church, or at home, even when things are challenging, willingly - freely. It is the greatest work we can do, and is that which will be best remembered.

e. And Finally, when we serve, we should remember to take joy in the good steps forward we see happening. Keep a journal of the joys you experience in your calling. Of the lives you see change. Of the wonderful activities you see accomplished. I'm always amazed as I interview with returning missionaries about their service. Invariably, they express how hard it was. But then they always say, it was the greatest thing they have ever done. And it has brought them their greatest joy. May we take a lesson from our missionaries. Work hard while you're in your calling, and it will also be a great joy.

But never be satisfied. There is always more that can be done. Be pleased, even grateful. But never satisfied.

May I offer my acknowledgement that leadership is challenging. We all live in a real world which is a long way from being a perfect world. And that is reflected in all the callings we have, or ever will have. We are all far from "Being Perfect even as your Father in heaven is perfect."

But the good news is that the Lord doesn't expect us to be perfect today. He just expects us to strive in that direction. To keep trying to change and become more, and more like him each week. He has given us the commandment to be perfect, so that we never stop trying.

And that's all we ask of you tonight. Is that you try and catch the vision of the program, and the principles taught tonight. And then as you catch the vision, that you try to implement it in your ward organization, one step at a time.

I testify this work is true, and we love you sisters for your diligence in it. I pray you'll have a spiritual experience tonight, as you go to your training departments. And we'll see you on Saturday with your old handbooks.